"We can not change what we do not acknowledge."
There is a lot to be said about this brilliant saying. Learning that the doctor's diagnosis of my behavior was a crutch for me was and will always be my most treasured gift of acknowledgment for me. I am not advocating a no drug treatment plan for anyone, as everyone has to make their own decisions on how they handle the things in which haunt them. I do believe there is a time and a place for a little of everything. I refer to my time on meds, as my hope in a bottle. Every time they changed my meds because I was loosing faith weathering the side effects or one day just feeling like they no longer worked for me, the doctor always renewed my faith with a renewed hope in a bottle. & this became the pattern of my life.
Now that I understand how that cycle worked, it truly helped me stop cold turkey and seek to discover my own hope. I will get into why I never just turned to God as I continue telling my story, as some people ask often and always. I found resolve and comfort in learning about the ego verses our spirit, or what some may call our true self. The voice in my head may have been my voice, but it was fueled by the world around me...it was my pain, my abuser, and my demon.
The ego is very abusive, it will drive you to do things. Like a boxing coach taunting you to fight back, "Are you going to let them do that to you?" Then there is the lash out and the upset, and your ego begins to abuse you. "Now look what you have done. Can't you do anything right?" & it is a cycle.
I love learning to live through my spirit, the truest connection to God. The reflection of love from within, unfortunately the spirit speaks in a soft almost muted voice or with sweet gentle nudges. It is practice to quiet the ego so you can be in tune with the love within you!
Being aware and connected to a side of yourself that doesn't have to win, isn't always poised to conquer the world, and does not bargain with you over everything. The spirit has a fascinating way of seeking harmony and agreement, to help you see life as beautiful even when it is not so pretty!
Today I am ever so grateful for this understanding, and I will continue to do the work in order to master the concept.
"I honor the place in you in which the entire Universe dwells, I honor the place in you which is of Love, of Integrity, of Wisdom and of Peace. When you are in that place in you, and I am in that place in me, we are One."